why the hell am i so freakin happy?????

i seriously had a fun time. and believe it or not (this means you, yellow ducky) but i am still so happy to be me and living the life that i do. true, things happened to make me feel a little lost and a little sad. but those tears have already fallen from my eyes...i've moved on so quickly. does this mean that it was never true? was i just believing what i said because i could write it? or feel it? i think maybe. possibly, dreaming about him was more fun than being with him. that does kind of hurt me a little but i'm so wierd that as i write this, i'm actually smiling. and do you know why? it is because i love the person that i'm turning out to be. i'm more mature in my feelings and i can actually sit back and observe life, learn from it. i used to run inside of it and try to take control. you can't though, you know? life just sort of happens. that's why i'm watching, learning, but still participating in an un-trying-to-control-everything way. it's nice.

but seriously, the party was sooooo fun. omfg, gray bean, those movies were so sucky! i mean, it was one thing to just catch the end of them. but it was another that they were both so freakin stupid and bad! yeah, and i am so happy because i totally got hit on by guys. asked out too, but i declined. the thing with this guy (who shall remain from now on as "cid" cause he kinda looked like that kid from toy story) is that he was....um...well he was a.d.d. and half the time, i still thought that we were talking about the previous subject. he made me really uncomfertable, especially when he put his hand on my back (which was exposed because i was wearing a halter top which looked-shazam!). he asked me out and guess what honest little grace goes and says? lol, i should have been straight with him but i said,

"um, actually, i'm not allowed to date. my parents...REALLY strict, you know?" lol. then when he asked for my number, i told him that i couldn't give it out. geez, i should have just made my stupid stand partner happy and told him that i was amish. that would have worked except for the fact that i was wearing a colorful halter top, geans, had my hair all down and un-neat, and had been already called a hoe by several very bad boys that night in front of cid.

but then this other guy was also hitting on me and dan pinched me in the butt (which he totally payed for with some slaps-but it was hillarious and i didn't hit him too hard because i knew he was just joking). plus, me 'n' mikey got into several hitting contests which was fun and i totally have some bruises from where he was hitting me, near my knee and on my upper arm. he better have some too because i was hitting pretty hard and a lot, like him, lol. the fact that it sort of ended in tears is irrelivant. i have already dealt with that and i'm picking up the pieces. true, it was depressing, but i live with things like this. i really have moved on. truly, deeply, i have. no lie. and you know what's messed up? i'm so happy STILL!!!!