Something Real

let's start out by saying that i'm homeschooled. i have been so all my life. i really love it! it gives me such flexibility and i get to control my education and point it in the direction that i need it to go. but the sad part is...interacting with guys my age who i'm not related to is like a twice a week, and sometimes three times a week, event. :-(. sadly, sometimes not even that. i have sworn not to really worry about or deal with guys until i am in college. that is why i turned down that really hot guy in the library who asked me out recently. but there is another reason for that too. i didn't know anything about him and even though he was REALLY HOT and i REALLY WANTED TO SAY, "YES! I WILL GIVE YOU MY NUMBER AND I WOULD LOVE TO GO OUT WITH YOU!" i didn't. i knew nothing about him. it would be perfect, absolutely perfect, for some guy to come up to me and just start to get to know me so that i could trust him and then accept when he asked me out. this is a low of being a homeschooler. i mean, it's not like i don't know what guys look like, though. i was a football (FAVORITE SPORT!!!) trainer last year and i got to tape up player's feet and assist them when injured. i also supplied their water and gatorade. and that was at a highschool. but that was only because i know the head trainer and the other trainer and they needed more people. two trainers is not really enough. three is still a little less than good! but it lasted for the whole football season and i spent time with them at least three to four times a week. now that was fun!

but, a lot my other friends have serious relationships going or are at least starting some. now, why can't i have a few dates? i wish some really hot guy would move in next to me...and his room's window would line up to mine...and we could lean out and talk to each other every night. and then one night he'd be like, "you know, we should go out sometime!" then i would totally accept because i would know him really well and plus...he'd be really hot. not that i'm shallow or anything. no, not me. but you get the picture. and i don't want any stupid relationships over that game runescape cause ten to one, all the guys on there are really, trully, lying about their age. i bet they're all like, 12 but just say that they're 17 to get chicks to be their girlfriends over the game. but i don't wanna date someone who's almost four years younger! i don't even really wanna date a guy who is one year younger. and you can hardly call it dating because it's over some game. real is real. real is nice. real is better than the internet. i just (sigh) want something real.

a hand to hold

eyes to fall into

lips to kiss

a shoulder to lean on

an ear to listen

a mutual attraction

that would lead to

interesting phone calls

and long entries in my journal

about a spark that wasn't there before

*sigh*